The moment I realized hope was gone, I was too busy to grieve its loss. Once you exhaust your aspirations the scene should fade to black and the music should cease. Life is too cruel to work that way and the ensuing despondency becomes lost in the nonstop flow of life. Life affords no partial death and slugs us with contemplation and remorse.
My defeated mind wants everything to stop and recognize that desire and expectation are for naught. These thoughts sound suicidal to me, yet I just want the world to stop revolving and time to stand still long enough to realize this futile chapter has ended.
Life is pushing me towards a new love before I can get over the old one. Opportunistic seedlings grow in front of me, distracting me from the burning forest behind. This must be the way life saves you from self pity and pushes you forward. The older you get the more subtle and softer this push forward becomes.
One day I will not be able to break out of this feeling, today however life is going to win again. I could be miserable here all night, but without sleep there is no way to continue the grind of life and the chance that something will go my way in the near future. Wish me better luck and a more conclusive end if not.